He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
