Christians are straight up FREAKS
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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