yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
