the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize