My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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