This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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