I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
