Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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