I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
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