it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
