Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
