you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
