I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
