My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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