it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
