need another drink. this is the easiest way
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
