I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
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Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
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I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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