wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
