I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
