nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
