brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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