I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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