Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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