The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
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