Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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