Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
