Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
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Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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