Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
