I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
