Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
