so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
