I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
