found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
