it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I believe in your delicious
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
