well I can't set my house on fire every night
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
