how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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