I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
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