also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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