I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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