he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
