just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
