I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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