please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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