Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
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He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
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No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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