non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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