dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize