What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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