none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
