i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Someone shattered a urinal.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
