im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
