dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
