just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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