You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
