dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
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Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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