Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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