The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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