jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
