you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Floor bacon is actually really good
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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