I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
