dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
