i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
