doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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