I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm really busy with my period
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