No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
