i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
