some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
