I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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