fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
