just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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