he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
