I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?