you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
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This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
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I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.