i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
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I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
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I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.