I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted