no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
