I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.