all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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