hotel room ftw
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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