You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
